"Are you gay? Surely you're gay, sociable, promiscuous, and don't want to start a family? Surely you're boring, you don't like anything, you must be a bit macho?"

These are phrases that many LGBT people have heard throughout their lives and that demonstrate that despite legal advances and the recognition of our rights, prejudices and stereotypes continue to dominate society's imaginary of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people.

Many of these prejudices come through different media: from what we hear at family dinners, from what we see in the traditional media (TV, newspapers, radio) and lately, from the different images that reach us through social networks.

Eradicating these ways in which society sees us is an arduous task. It requires an effort from several areas, such as the government, schools, at work, and, above all, from one specific one: culture.

This is why we set ourselves the task of looking for literary works that seek to eliminate these imaginaries and show the stories of lesbians, gays, bisexuals and transgender people from another perspective. This is how we came across the book "Las intermitencias del amor" by the author and therapist Luis Miguel Tapia Bernal, who has worked for more than 12 years offering psychological counselling to LGBT people in Mexico City.

We took advantage of her visit to Bogotá to tell us a little more about her book, the different stories that make it up and to give us some advice on how to combat the stereotypes that exist about us.

P: What motivated you to write this book?

Love has to be a matter that each person builds, it should not be something imposed.

LMT: What this book is looking for is for each person to find love in their own way and to achieve this they have to know what their rights are and they have to have an acceptance of who they are. It is important to work on eliminating the homophobia that we have internalised.

I also want it to be understood that love is a human thing and it doesn't matter much if you are a man or a woman. There shouldn't be a question of negotiating it or validating it. Love is something that moves life.

One thing I have noticed is that there is still a lack of recognition of many things in same-sex relationships. One of these is the deservedness of the love we have.

P: Even today there are still people who believe that love between two women or two men is not possible. What do you think about that?

LMT:I think that homosexual love is still thought of in a context full of prejudices or clichés. First of all, it is as if one cannot love just because there is no reproductive purpose. There are also other related myths, such as that a gay man cannot love for a long time, and the worst thing is that most gay men have bought into this story. It's like living an explosion of love for two months.

There is another myth and that is that if the relationship lasts a long time, you have to change partners. It's like changing mobile phones, there are new models and you have to "get" them more quickly. It's like a constant dissatisfaction. And I think it happens more with gays because they still don't know how to live well with loneliness. They can't generate such deep bonds. It's like living in a menu where you choose what you want today and then you change. And this happens especially on dating apps.

PWhat other myths are there about same-sex relationships?

LMT: In the more than 12 years that I have been providing therapy, these have been the most common:

• Love cannot last that long
• Love is voracious and very passionate.
• Allowing any abuse is love. 9 out of 10 incoming patients allow physical and emotional abuse.
• Believing that we cannot form a family
• It is still thought that someone has to fulfil the role of a woman and/or the role of a man.
• Homosexuality is still internalised as a defect. I can feel free, accepted, but it is a defect that "I have to compensate for". I try to do this with my physique, with money, etc.

P:And the same goes for lesbian women?

LMT: I have noticed that they are more difficult to talk to and they put up with a lot more. They behave as if they can't express their emotions no matter how much abuse or demands they make of them. They also believe that because they are two women, they have to live the relationship to the fullest and be very passionate.

P: How do these prejudices affect gays and lesbians?

LMT: I think there is an "emotional backwardness" because we cannot experience emotions in a common way; while heterosexuals can do it, we cannot experience it normally. This makes us ask ourselves "why am I like this", which leads us to become entangled in prejudices that, to a certain extent, depend on the family we were born into. Prejudices become phrases like "I can't live this", "why am I living a love like this".

And so you reach the age of 40 repressed and wanting to live in a short period of time everything you couldn't live in your youth.

P: This book recounts the experiences of LGBT people in the face of stereotypes.

How many stories can we find?

LMT: There are 37 stories of all kinds. There are some stories about LGBT people and there are others about heterosexual people. The aim is for the reader to identify with them and for it not to be like "I'll solve it for you" but to leave you with more questions. There are some that are short, there are others that are longer. There are some that you don't even know if it's a man or a woman.

Q:Are the characters of different age ranges?

LMT: There is no direct mention of age.

Q: Are these stories based on reality or fiction?

LMT:Many stories are based on friends or a patient who let me tell their story. The others I made up thinking about the dynamic I wanted to demonstrate.

P: Many LGBT people don't know what kind of readings could guide us in the face of the multiple discriminations we experience on a daily basis. With this in mind, what stories would you recommend to people between 18 and 40 years old?

LMT: El 7 de septiembre is a love story where you are going to defend yourself. It is based on the song by Mecano.

• "Stop being the perfect child" is fine for a 30 year old because it is the story of a person who has to start making a life for himself and fly away from his parents.
• To "let go of the past" is for a 25 year old, because one has wounds that are caused in the past and that still hurt in the present.
• "The Intermittences of Love" is for someone young, coming out of the wardrobe, like 18 years old.
• "Secrets of the Past" is about a daughter who discovers that her father is gay.

P: Are there any stories related to self-esteem?

LMT: There is a story called "migrating dreams" and there I expose acceptance, self-love. It is a story about two children who know each other in their childhood and who, because of homophobia, have to separate. They get back together until one of them manages to accept himself as he is.

PAbout self-esteem, what advice could you give us to promote it?

LMT: I say there are three fundamental things to achieve it: responsibility, clarity and courage. If you don't have those three things, there's no way to do it. If you are not responsible for your actions, if you are not responsible for the way you are going to love someone, it is impossible to do it. A cowardly love doesn't work, it never amounts to anything else. And if you're not clear about what you're looking for or your limits, you don't know what you want.

P:What advice would you give to a person who wants to come out and does not want to conform to the stereotypes assigned to LGBT people?

To begin with, being lesbian, gay, bisexual or trans is not something that has to be questioned, it is not something strange and each person can choose how to live it. This is important because when a person associates it with a defect, they feel they have to live in a different way and stay away. The most important thing is to normalise it and be clear that being gay is not everything in your life. There are many more areas of your life. Being gay is something completely natural and it is not a but in your life. Homosexuality is not something that has to be justified.